Let’s Journey Into the Sandsverse

There was one line of evolution Internet culture had to follow in order for Tumblr’s Sandsverse accounts to exist. They’re a little bit roleplay, a little bit shitpost and completely and utterly absurd. So absurd, in fact, that I’ve found it difficult to explain to others exactly why I find them so hilarious. However, even though it feels like these accounts’ posts might as well be generated by a poorly made bot, there’s a set logic that defines it all.

The Sandsverse is named for the Tumblr account sandsvendor100, which made its first post on September 23, 2014, according to the Sandsverse Wiki. (Yes, there’s a wiki.) Supposedly, the blog is run by Seymour Babyboy, a tapir that sells sands in exchange for disc-shaped objects and makes posts like the following: 

Seymour1

Seymour2

Another popular Sandsverse account belongs to the proboscis monkey Elmer, known as Tumblr user fruitsoftheape100 and Seymour’s eternal rival. As the username implies, Elmer sells a variety of fruits, and he also creates absurd posts: 

Elmer1

Elmer2

Seymour and Elmer are just two members of a diverse cast of animals selling stuff split into a canon universe and a non-canon universe. (The rule of thumb for an account being canon seems to be whether canon accounts acknowledge it.) Not only are these accounts tied together by a wiki, but they also all use a combination of bad grammar, expletives, and faintly intellectual nonsense to communicate. Additionally, Sandsverse accounts tend to have consistent backstories and lore, such as the saga of Elmer’s niece, Sound Cloud, who has been kidnapped multiple times and recently gave birth to an abomination.

Most importantly, I think we have a lesson to learn from this brief glimpse into Seymour and Elmer’s world. I’ve finally put my finger on why I think the Sandsverse accounts are so funny, and the answer is easy: They take us to a simpler plane of existence in which we don’t have to worry about the problems of adult life. Instead of having to process the meaning of a punchline, we get to just laugh at a tapir and monkey cussing at each other because it’s silly, dammit. And sometimes, that’s all something has to be.

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