Zoltar

E3 2011: How’s Our Crystal Ball?

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  • We made it back alive and mostly in one piece. After countless press conferences and game demos, we can’t really say the same for our E3 2011 predictions, though. We take a look back at what we thought would happen and stack it up against what really did.

    ———

    Stu Horvath:

    In the wake of the new Nintendo console announcement, we will hear infinite joke variations based on Chris Hecker’s rant that the Wii was just two GameCubes duct-taped together.

    Result: Kind of correct!

    The Nintendo Wii U was the butt of plenty of jokes during the conference, but none that I heard referenced Chris Hecker’s notorious rant.

    Nintendo will push Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword off as a launch title for the new system but it will look just as crappy as it did last year.

    Result: Pretty wrong!

    Skyward Sword is still a Wii title. It also still looks crappy.

    Sony’s 3D gaming initiative will be led behind a chemical shed and never seen again.

    Result: Totally wrong!

    Sony actually announced a new 3D television package at their press conference. A PS3 branded 24” monitor, one pair of glasses, a copy of Resistance 3 and an HDMI cable for $499. My prediction may have been wrong, but so is Sony’s view of the future landscape of gaming.

    It will be revealed that Chuck is actually just some imaginary personality I slip into when I kill people.

    Result: Not telling!

    Seriously. Mum’s the word.

    Duke Nukem Foreverwill be delayed. Again.

    Result: Wrong!

    I’ve seen the box art. Friend of Unwinnable Gus Mastrapa said, while discussing this piece, that “Gearbox should delay it just one more day,” just for laughs. Having played it, I think they should go back to delaying it indefinitely.

    New Nintendo console. New Sony handheld. No new Sony or Microsoft consoles – don’t be dumb.

    Result: Right on the money!

    The Wii U and the PS Vita made their debuts. Reactions ranged from boredom to skepticism to curiosity to bubbling enthusiasm. I am more of the bored/skeptical mind.

    FreeSpace 3

    Result: Uh-uh.

    No Eternal Darkness 2 either. What is wrong with this industry?

    Samuel Jackson will come out to introduce the PlayStation keynote.

    Result: Nope!

    Alas.

    Respawn Entertainment will announce their long awaited game. I will not care.

    Result: Somewhat right.

    They didn’t formally announce it, but it was hinted at the EA press conference that it would be a science fiction shooter. Whoopie. I didn’t think it was possible, but I actually care less than I did.

    Ubisoft will announce Far Cry 3 and I will be the only one who cares.

    Result: RIGHT!

    OK, so it turns out that I am not the only one who cares, but there is a new Far Cry game coming and it looks pretty damn good. I have much love for Far Cry 2, so regardless of being right, this is cause for celebration.

    Charles Francis Moran VI:

    The phrase “pushing boundaries” will be used to describe Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword.

    Result: Sort of.

    With the 25th anniversary of The Legend of Zelda here, Nintendo will release Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, a game they have been working on since at least 2008. Therefore, it will push boundaries for the Wii, but won’t necessarily be doing anything amazing for the Wii U.

    Nintendo will release a Pokémon 3Ds AR game.

    Result: Right idea, wrong game.

    Kid Icarushas the Augmented Reality card game. Pokémongot the honor of having a free database for organizing your Pokémon called Pokedex. At the completion of this sentence I will have reached my limit in using the word Pokémon for a year.

    I will be told by a stranger that I am talking too loud.

    Result: No.

    However, Stu did elbow me to shut me up while arguing with Takuji Kawano as to why Lizardman is not included in the Soul Caliber V playable character line-up.

    Microsoft will talk about reliability of the Xbox Live experience. They will also talk about the Halo: Combat Evolvedremake as if it isn’t remake.

    Result: No they were humble.

    They never took any cheap shots at Sony and embraced the fact that Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary is basically a “shot for shot” remake of the ten year old game. It looks pretty cool, especially with the ability to switch the graphics to the way they used to look by the push of a button, similar to Secret of Monkey Island.

    It will be revealed that Ernest Borgnine will play Marcus Fennix in Gears of Wars 3 during a flash-forward scene.

    Result: Not yet!

    Ernest Borgnine has yet to be confirmed in the cast of the game. However, Cliffy B. was able to get Ice-T to voice the newest COG solider, Griffin. Cliffy B. also asked Ice-T get Body Count together and play “Cop Killer” for him. It could just be a matter of time.

    Pee-wee Herman will come out to introduce the PlayStation keynote.

    Result: No.

    Pool party.

    Result: Sigh, no.

    Hideo Kojima will show exactly the same Metal Gear footage as last year, and no one will notice.

    Result: No, but check this out. Wait for it…

    Hideo Kojima wasn’t even there! Kojima did announce a re-release of Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater 3D for Nintendo 3Ds. He also had a pre-recorded message delivered from a secret bunker that revealed a new enemy called Psycho Turkey and the new technology he dubbed Transfarring.

    A rumor will start that Sega is getting back into the hardware market.

    Result: No.

    I tried, but it didn’t stick.

    Someone will be overheard saying, “Can someone please have the guy with the belt sit down.” Or, “Well, this salad sucks.”

    Result: Almost.

    I had a really crappy ham sandwich for breakfast on Wednesday.

    ———

    Guest Prognosticators

    Ebenezer Samuel, New York Daily News:This E3 will be as much about the new (cough, Nintendo’s new console, cough) as it will be about making the old junk new all over again. Yes, that means we will endure waaaaaay too much of the Kinect and the 3DS. And no, most of it will not work for us.

    Result: Correct!

    Brian Taylor, Freelance Librarian:uhm.

    Result: Correct!

    Gus Mastrapa, Joystick Division:Somebody will finally come up with a good idea for a Kinect game. It’ll probably have something to with flailing your arms around. Semaphore Hero?

    Result: No dice!

    Semaphore

    Stu Horvath:

    In the wake of the new Nintendo console announcement, we will hear infinite joke variations based on Chris Hecker’s rant that the Wii was just two GameCubes duct-taped together.

    Result: Kind of correct!

    The Nintendo Wii U was the butt of plenty of jokes during the conference, but none that I heard referenced Chris Hecker’s notorious rant.

    Nintendo will push Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword off as a launch title for the new system but it will look just as crappy as it did last year.

    Result: Pretty wrong!

    Skyward Swordis still a Wii title. It also still looks crappy.

    Sony’s 3D gaming initiative will be led behind a chemical shed and never seen again.

    Result: Totally wrong!

    Sony actually announced a new 3D television package at their press conference. A PS3 branded 24” monitor, one pair of glasses, a copy of Resistance 3 and an HDMI cable for $499. My prediction may have been wrong, but so is Sony’s view of the future landscape of gaming.

    It will be revealed that Chuck is actually just some imaginary personality I slip into when I kill people.

    Result: Not telling!

    Seriously. Mum’s the word.

    Duke Nukem Foreverwill be delayed. Again.

    Result: Wrong!

    I’ve seen the box art. Friend of Unwinnable Gus Mastrapa said, while discussing this piece, that “Gearbox should delay it just one more day,” just for laughs. Having played it, I think they should go back to delaying it indefinitely.

    New Nintendo console. New Sony handheld. No new Sony or Microsoft consoles – don’t be dumb.

    Result: Right on the money!

    The Wii U and the PS Vita made their debuts. Reactions ranged from boredom to skepticism to curiosity to bubbling enthusiasm. I am more of the bored/skeptical mind.

    FreeSpace 3

    Result: Uh-uh.

    No Eternal Darkness 2 either. What is wrong with this industry?

    Samuel Jackson will come out to introduce the PlayStation keynote.

    Result: Nope!

    Alas.

    Respawn Entertainment will announce their long awaited game. I will not care.

    Result: Somewhat right.

    They didn’t formally announce it, but it was hinted at the EA press conference that it would be a science fiction shooter. Whoopie. I didn’t think it was possible, but I actually care less than I did.

    Ubisoft will announce Far Cry 3 and I will be the only one who cares.

    Result: RIGHT!

    OK, so it turns out that I am not the only one who cares, but there is a new Far Cry game coming and it looks pretty damn good. I have much love for Far Cry 2, so regardless of being right, this is cause for celebration.

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