Author: Joe DeMartino
A Game of Casting
Game of Thrones hemorrhages more characters in a single episode than most other series do in multiple seasons. No one is safe from George R.R. Martin’s bloodlust – the best most characters can hope for is a quick beheading or short trip out of the Moon Door. Without all those deaths, however, the number of new characters introduced in each book would quickly bloat the series, resulting in Martin’s publishing schedule going from “once every decade, maybe” to “when the sun rises in the west and sets in the east, when the seas go dry and mountains blow in the
In Defense Of Justin Bieber
It’s the eyebrows, I think, that really send people over the edge about Justin Bieber. He’s locked them in a position of permanent surprise, like everything he’s seeing – from screaming teens to Brazilian prostitutes – has left him dumbfounded. It’s an infuriating expression, one seen on club-bound bros and Jaden Smith, and they transform his already-punchable face into a neon sign flashing the words “PUNCH HERE. PUNCH HERE AND PUNCH HARD AND NOT EVEN THE MOST VENGEFUL JURY WITH THE HANGINGEST JUDGE IN THE DEEPEST DARKEST PART OF TEXAS WILL CONVICT YOU.” Credit to the lawyers at his recent
Not in the Face
I’ve been knock-kneed certain that I was about to die on exactly two occasions. The first time, I was on my back, in full football gear, ready for the Oklahoma Drill to start. The drill has many variants, but all of them involve hitting. Two players line up opposite one another, perhaps five yards apart – enough to start a charge but not enough for even the fastest players to really get up to speed. Our version of the drill had the coach holding a football at about stomach level in between the two players. At his whistle, we’d scramble