On Becoming a Grognard with Grace and Self-Awareness

As an older millennial who recently turned 40, I suspect I’ve finally become a grognard. You know, a geek who only likes the old thing, not the new thing. It really sneaks up on you. One day, you’re at the first showing of every MCU movie and playing 5E; next thing you know, you can’t think of the last superhero movie you saw, and you’re playing Old School Essentials… or Swords & Wizardry if you’re really grogging. Suddenly, you’re no longer on the defensive in generational warfare and your peers start to complain about young people. That’s when you’ve arrived as the fresh blood on the old person scene, sensing that you are no longer with “it.” As Grandpa Simpson said, they changed what “it” was and what’s “it” now seems weird and scary to you.

The hardest part is accepting what’s become of you with grace, dignity, and self-awareness. Reflection is a large part of this. I remember a letter published in Wizard magazine back in the 90s when I was getting into comics. A disgruntled fan declared that the X-Men were run into the ground. “Bring back Colossus! These new characters like Gambit suck!” I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I mean, sure, Colossus is fine… but better than Gambit? C’mon.

A few decades later, I’m willing to admit Gambit is cheesy. But the point is that all of my geek touchstones were someone else’s cringe reboot. Dungeons & Dragons was, at one point, the childish new thing horning in on historical wargamers’ superior hobby. We’ve all been on the other side of generational battles. Maybe it’s time to realize your younger years weren’t the golden age but just another step in the continual march of geekdom.

Obsession with how things “used to be” often creates some idealized version of the past that never existed. It’s a trap that can turn you into a bitter reactionary who struggles to find joy in anything. Just remember, someone older than you thinks your classics suck.

We don’t have to like everything, that’s fine. Realistically, we’ll enjoy fewer things as we grow older, no matter what. My brain is full of so many geek interests, and I’ve consumed so much media, that it’s tough for anything to make an impact.  The mental bucket is overflowing, and new things tend to spill out, even if I think they’re neat. Maybe something isn’t that great, or perhaps we’ve just had our fill of it.

We tend to surround ourselves with things that remind us of our first geek loves. This could be other stuff that came out at the same time or new retro-inspired projects. At a certain point, things change enough that we don’t care for them anymore, leaving us to grasp for the next closest thing. That can be an opportunity, though. When the also-rans become what’s left, sometimes I find a diamond in the rough, returning to the joy of discovery in a comfortable way.

That’s where self-awareness comes in. We don’t have to like everything, but we don’t have to be mad about it, either. Honestly, I probably have more vintage projects and small zines than I could ever play before I die. If WOTC closed up shop and somehow the D&D brand vanished forever, I’d be fine. That could be the good part of getting old. I don’t need to worry about acquiring all this cool stuff so much as I need to worry about weeding my collection.

Keeping all this in mind, we can redeem the negative connotations of becoming a grognard. Realizing that maybe some things aren’t for us is just fine; earlier generations didn’t like all of our stuff either. We may need to turn over a few extra stones, but there’s still plenty out there for us to enjoy without spiraling into complaints about how terrible everything is now. Just remember to like what you like and not let the unstoppable broad trajectory of your hobbies bother you, you’re supposed to be having fun.

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Addendum: My daughter and I recently took up the Pokemon trading card game as a daddy-daughter activity. I’m just slightly too old to have a childhood attachment to the franchise, but my nostalgia for cracking packs and playing card games is high. Discovering the characters, watching the shows, and learning the hobby through her eyes have been some of the most fun I’ve had being a geek in a long time. There may be hope for me yet. Maybe I’m not really a grognard after all!

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Ryan Whalen irregularly publishes the zine MDNTWVLF between his hodge podge of research and writing gigs. He keeps an instagram open for MDNTWLF in hopes he’ll do another one after finishing the book he’s working on.