Legendary Shows What a Biblical Epic Actually Is
This column is a reprint from Unwinnable Monthly #185. If you like what you see, grab the magazine for less than ten dollars, or subscribe and get all future magazines for half price.
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Finding digital grace.
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So, I used to work with this guy . . . let’s call him Chad. We got on pretty well. Except Chad also loved to describe anything of epic scope as “a Biblical Epic,” even if I tried to politely advise against it. Bear in mind, Chad is a lifelong Atheist. That’s completely fine, but also comes with the caveat of needing to be mindful.
As I’ve said before, I don’t assume I know everything, and speak with an array of friends to ensure I’m not off-base, like when I talked about Star Wars’ warped take on “diversity” for Exploits. I take other’s feedback to heart and gain additional insights thanks to them. So, to all the Chads of the world, from my side of the spiritual aisle, this month’s column is for you. Because I desperately need you to know: Your popular sci-fi IP isn’t a Biblical Epic.
THE BIBLE IS SO MUCH WEIRDER. There is a story with a talking donkey! An infinite stairway straight out of Control. God wrestles a man as an IRL game of “Test Your Might!” Religion is inherently way more chaotic and unusual than your typical Hollywood production. Which is what brings us today to the pile of jank that is Spark Unlimited’s Legendary.
Legendary is fascinating, with ambitious ideas. Legendary is also barely functional drek. Yet despite that, it is probably one of the most accurate depictions I can think of where the modern world meets anything Biblical/mythological. We’re talking when “awesome” meant a mixture of shock and panic. A world where we are ants in someone’s terrarium, any sense of control is gone and being the “Chosen One” doesn’t fill you with purpose, but an immense dread.
When a golem tears up New York City like it’s made of cardboard, it’s impressive. It’s also a really bad time for Legendary’s protagonist, Deckard, because one ill-timed crash of a bus can turn him to chunky salsa. You are constantly dwarfed or overwhelmed by beings vastly your betters. Were it not for the mark on Deckard’s hand that lets him absorb magic to heal and stun them, he’d be flattened.
And Deckard isn’t some noble, perfect person either. He’s a self-serving douche who gets in too deep on a job that sees him accidentally opening Pandora’s Box. He obtains the mark on his hand, but he’s no aspirational holy man. It’s actually a mixture of intervening factors and guilt that get Deckard to rise above his baser instincts.
While some people are drawn to good from the start in myths, oftentimes they’re just caught in the crossfire. Jacob didn’t ask to be the father of a nation, his brother was just a walking red flag dudebro, so their mom interceded to ensure Jacob was blessed and kept safe. Meanwhile Joseph nearly gets teamkilled by his brothers and then his boss’s cheating wife, all just for being nice and considerate. They’re harrowing stories. They seem prophetic in hindsight, but they didn’t know what was coming next.
The brutality of Legendary all in particular resembles a lot of spiritual texts regarding pre-Flood era cold calculus. Civil discourse is gone. The House of Commons in London is set alight by a kraken at one point, as if that wasn’t belabored clearly enough. Deckard’s running around with a fire axe like it’s a knight’s sword, but it’s no gleaming weapon of dignity – and that’s the point. In hindsight, these moments might sound epic, but in the heat of the moment, it’s just mortals doing their best amid the greater works of beings beyond their comprehension.
A lot of old Hollywood movies portray both history and religious stories as these amazing, stunning stories without a hint of uncertainty. There’s a reason most of the time Hollywood just focuses on Moses and Jesus. Their lives fit most neatly into traditional narrative. Yet, as I said, there’s that story in the Bible where a man is so stubborn about unwittingly marching into the Angel of Death that his donkey is blessed with speech. The donkey cusses him out because it doesn’t want to die and can clearly see the angel the man can’t. It’s a fun story – it would not make for a good feature film.
Don’t get me wrong. I grew up loving Star Wars. Dune is very impressive. These stories deal with spiritual themes and destiny, for sure. They’re not Biblical, though. They’re “epic,” for sure, but they’re exceedingly cleaner and more orderly. They’re efficient. That’s not typically how any mythology or lore works. If you want something Biblical? It’s not all about scale. Some of the most important stories in the Bible are small enough to only warrant a short story. It’s gotta be messy, with a quagmire of uncertainties to navigate. It’s a lot to take on. That’s why so few mainstream stories try for it.
It’s also why, for all its issues, Legendary at the very least nails this. It feels Biblical. It is harrowing, bizarre, and doesn’t forget that at the end of the day, we are so out of our depth in most Biblical stories, as goes for most mythologies. When you destroy Pandora’s Box at the end of Legendary, the world is still in ruins, but maybe we’ll survive. Maybe we’ll find another way through. Maybe we’ll find some meaning from all of this, but nobody’s putting a neat little bow on it.
That’s the point. Holding onto your faith while trying to navigate it all. Being tested by this world, and in turn testing it with your perspective. It might tower over you, but you press on anyway. There’s no easy answer, but maybe you get lucky.
Could’ve used a talking donkey though. Which raises a question for you, the dear reader – does this mean Shrek is actually a Biblical Epic?
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Elijah Beahm is an author for Lost in Cult that Unwinnable graciously lets ramble about progressive religion and obscure media. When not consulting on indie games, he can be found on BlueSky and YouTube. He is still waiting for Dead Space 4.
