Mole Man Attacks New York City

At 2:05 p.m., New York City and most of the tri-state was caught off guard by the rumblings of what appeared to be the aftershock of a 5.8 magnitude earthquake that hit Virginia. This man on the street, ever vigilant about reporting the news, discovered that this was not the case. One of my sources tipped me off that Mole Man was the one in fact responsible for our woes and had emerged from Subterranea to wreak havoc upon us once again.

However, in an odd twist of fate, this was revealed to be only part of the story. He was later spotted in Queens, in front of the home of one May Parker, holding a boom box over his head and crying. It appears that the May-December romance between Mole and Parker had fizzled out prematurely. In a misguided attempt to win her back, Mole Man shook the tri-state area to a standstill.

The Fantastic Four quickly arrived on the scene and resolved the situation with only minor fisticuffs exchanged. The Thing was quoted as saying, “I hated to hit the guy, he was so sad-looking, but it was clobberin’ time and he really upset that nice old lady.” Once Mole Man was in custody, the Fantastic Four took off in their Fantasticar and everything was once again safe in NYC. Before The Thing left, he had one more thing to say to The Rag: “Heh, that Cusack move wouldn’t have flown on Yancy Street, neither.”

‘Nuff Said!