Nintendo Switch 2 vs. The Dadtendo
This column is a reprint from Unwinnable Monthly #190. If you like what you see, grab the magazine for less than ten dollars, or subscribe and get all future magazines for half price.
———
A tongue-in-cheek but also painfully earnest look at pop culture and anything else that deserves to be ridiculed while at the same time regarded with the utmost respect. It is written by Matt Marrone and emailed to Stu Horvath and David Shimomura, who add any typos or factual errors that might appear within.
———
Who needs a Nintendo Switch 2? Not me!
For one, there is already an OLED Nintendo Switch 1 in my house. It belongs to my 9-year-old and it’s perfectly fine – just as good as it was before the sequel was released.
More importantly, I don’t need a Nintendo Switch 2 because I have…The Dadtendo.
What is The Dadtendo? It’s our family’s pet name for my blue plastic Anbernic RG40XXH, a handheld gaming device my wife bought me for Christmas. At press time, I have beaten Phantasy Star, Phantasy Star 2 and Phantasy Star 3 on it, and am about to finish polishing off Phantasy Star 4 – finally completing the Phantasy Star grand slam I first began to undertake in grade school. The Dadtendo came preloaded with a ton of other games across various old-school consoles, and I’ve committed to Shining in the Darkness as my next conquest.
Still, my kids want a Nintendo Switch 2, so, in the spirit of good parenting, I’ve decided to pit the two devices against each other in a few select categories to see if it ultimately makes sense for their dad to own both (and let the kids use just one of them).
- Innovation
The Dadtendo: The games are the same as you remember them. That means the good ones are still good and the ones that suck still suck. Yet The Dadtendo manages to revolutionize 16-bit gaming by allowing you to save your progress on, to pick a random title, Phantasy Star 3, without having to leave the game precariously on pause while hopelessly lost in a dungeon…or being forced to spend an hour when you’re supposed to be doing something actually important searching for an inn.
Nintendo Switch 2: This device appears to be merely an iteration of the original Switch, which, as I said, doesn’t seem to be compelling enough if you already own one. (The same could be argued for the Dadtendo, except you owned these consoles 35 years ago and that particular statute of limitations has long run out.)
Advantage: The Dadtendo.
- Nostalgia
Nintendo Switch 2: For $10 a pop, you can relive the magic of both The Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom, with negligible improvements, because there is no premium Zelda launch title and probably won’t be one for years.
The Dadtendo: There’s nothing on the Dadtendo but nostalgia. Still, like we said in category one, some of that nostalgia sucks.
Advantage: Even.
- Game library
The Dadtendo: As previously noted, there are thousands of preloaded games. (And at least a dozen really good ones!) There’s also the ability to add an almost infinite number of other games, but that would require a level of technical skill you (or at least I) do not possess and are far too lazy to learn.
Nintendo Switch 2: The Switch 1 games you’re currently playing will work on the Switch 2 (right?) and downloading new games from the Nintendo store is so easy even you (read: I) can do it.
Advantage: Nintendo Switch 2.
- Bang for the buck
The Dadtendo: I don’t know how much my wife paid for it, but the $0 it cost me makes The Dadtendo a no-brainer.
Nintendo Switch 2: No way is it worth the $500 sticker price for the Mario Kart World Bundle Edition. Especially with the assumption that there will be an OLED-style upgrade along the way. But somehow my younger son has just convinced his Grandma to buy it for him for his birthday, making it a win-win for father and sons alike.
In other words: Case closed.
Winner: Nintendo Switch 2.
———
Matt Marrone is a senior MLB editor at ESPN.com. He has been Unwinnable’s reigning Rookie of the Year since 2011. You can follow him on Twitter @thebigm.
