How Did We Ever Beat Videogames Before the Internet?

This column is a reprint from Unwinnable Monthly #194. If you like what you see, grab the magazine for less than ten dollars, or subscribe and get all future magazines for half price.

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A tongue-in-cheek but also painfully earnest look at pop culture and anything else that deserves to be ridiculed while at the same time regarded with the utmost respect. It is written by Matt Marrone and emailed to Stu Horvath and David Shimomura, who add any typos or factual errors that might appear within.

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As I’ve continued playing classic RPGs from my youth on the Dadtendo, a theme has emerged: These games are confounding.

I recently completed the Phantasy Star grand slam and there are moments – particularly in the epic fourth installment – when the next step in the game is far from clear or intuitive. Am I just feeble and diminished in my old age? I didn’t play Phantasy Star IV as a kid, so I can’t compare my middle-aged bewilderment to any earlier experience with it. But when I decided to re-play Shining in the Darkness – whoa!

Shining in the Darkness is a game I remember loving when the Genesis was my console of choice. I could only recall it in very broad strokes, so it’s possible I never beat it back in the day, but that seems doubtful given all of my youthful tenacity and free time. That being said, if I did beat it, I have no idea how I managed to do so without the assistance of modern-day technology.

Shining in the Darkness, on its face, is a relatively uncomplicated game. There are only three places to go: The castle (for limited interactions to drive the story forward), the town (to rest, revive and buy/forge upgraded weapons/armor) and the labyrinth (where all the gameplay action happens).

The labyrinth, of course, is full of twists and turns. Perhaps it’s my fault for not keeping graph paper and a pencil close at hand to make homemade maps as I traversed the various levels. I got so desperately lost on several occasions that I ended up on YouTube, watching a walkthrough and following along, turn by turn, pausing the game and the video again and again, until I finally found whatever I was looking for. And what was I even looking for? Often, I had no idea – it was only with the help of a couple of online game guides that I even knew what my next goal was.

The fogeys among us often pine for the simple life, before the scourge of smartphones and constant connection to the grid. But clearly, we’ve forgotten that everything wasn’t so simple back then, and Shining in the Darkness is a prime example.

There are so many things in the game I never would have puzzled out without the Internet’s help. But here are just two of what could be dozens of illustrative bullet points:

• As I mentioned, reaching the upper levels of the labyrinth is an exercise in patience, futility, and, in my case, straight cheating. But once you’ve reached a new floor, you have to leave the labyrinth to cure yourself, visit the castle, etc., and then get all the way back. But guess what? You don’t have to! You know that shimmering golden pool near the next flight of steps? The one you’ve searched a dozen times despite the fact nothing ever happens when you do? You fool! How did you not realize that you can use it to warp right back to that spot, skipping the entire, punishing journey? All you need to do is simply place into it half of the gold medallion someone randomly gave you at one point! While it’s totally possible I skipped past a dialogue box somewhere along the line, I will die believing this is never explained.
• The following is clipped from one of the online guides I used while playing: “Go back to the Fairy Fountain and use the Vial of Tears. The Water Spirit will awaken and boost the power of the Arms of Light, making Hiro the Shining Knight. Now, you are almost ready to fight Dark Sol. I say almost, because you are missing some things.” What the Fairy Fountain is, its connection to the Vial of Tears or that there is a Water Spirit living in it was completely unknown to me until I read that. Also, even having regularly consulted walkthroughs, I had only the vaguest idea about the Arms of Light, their significance or where to find them. But perhaps my favorite part of that instruction is “I say almost, because you are missing some things.” You don’t say!

I could go on and on. But it’s been a few days since I beat the game and already the trauma is being locked away in an inaccessible part of my subconscious. Did the same thing happen when I was 13? Or did I just figure it out naturally, as developer Climax Entertainment assumed I could? I don’t recall. Perhaps that’s for the best.

This way, I can continue to sentimentalize the golden days of my childhood, grumble about the Internet, and continue my unstoppable march to the grave with more than a hint of superiority. When I was a kid, we didn’t have online resources to beat bewildering RPGs – but beat them we did.

It built character. Grit. Something kids these days can’t possibly understand.

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Matt Marrone is a senior MLB editor at ESPN.com. He has been Unwinnable’s reigning Rookie of the Year since 2011. You can follow him on Twitter @thebigm.