Mutiny!! is Exceptionally Bad Futanari Pirate Porn

Mutiny!! is a NSFW property, and as such the content that follows is deeply NSFW. If that bothers you, then please do not read on. 

Mutiny!! is exceptionally bad furry futanari pirate porn.

I’ll admit that I didn’t have high expectations for Mutiny!! going in, and that is entirely because the VN is put out by Lupiesoft. Hearing that name set off something on my radar, and a quick Google search confirmed that they are a developer I’d heard about because of their notorious reputation for only putting out the first chunk of a VN before moving on to a new project. This sucks because a lot of fans seem to enjoy their VNs, like chapter 0 of The Reject Demon Toko or Stargazers, but the company always starts on a story and then never bothers to finish it. It’s like if your dad promised you a puppy, went out and bought the puppy, brought it home just long enough that you could imagine growing up with the puppy, moved the puppy to the backyard to die of starvation, and then when you start crying over the puppy he said, “Stop fussing, look, here’s a new puppy for you to get attached to!” So yeah, I firmly set the bar of my expectations on the ground and was still disappointed by Mutiny!!

Mutiny!! is the story of a “courtesan” named Grace. I put courtesan in quotations because she appears to be one step above your average literate brothel worker with a steady clientele, and frankly a later description she gives of herself as an “equal-opportunity wencher” is much more accurate. One day a pirate captain comes to Grace’s inn and drops a hat and cape on her shoulders. This apparently makes Grace captain of an entire ship because we’re playing by kindergarten rules, wherein donning an outfit automatically gives you that particular occupation. Grace proceeds to fuck her way through the crew as she leads them on half-assed treasure hunts to clear the last captain’s debts, and that’s the absolute most plot I could extract from this story. 80-90% of Mutiny!! is futanari porn, so if surprise-penis is not your schtick please depart now, I’ll see you again next week for something tamer with better writing.

One major problem with Mutiny!! is that it’s the kind of game where the artist clearly deserved better coworkers than the sound and story editors whom they were saddled with. Overall I liked the backgrounds and sprites, but I’m not entirely sure the artist understands how proportions on curvy women are meant to work, as we often had figures with gravity defying balloons on their top half and sacks of potatoes and lumpy oatmeal below. The sound design for this game is just awful. Generic elevator music blares in every scene, and I can’t tell whether I’m supposed to be turned on or mildly confused half the time. For example, apparently if you want to set the mood in a spooky castle, all you have to do is slow down techno music and bang a metal pipe over it at random intervals. And you know what’s really arousing? A bad sound loop. The sound bites are all tiny 15-20 second bits that loop horribly, and I can always tell where the track is cutting out. According to Lupiesoft, nothing says sexy like shoddy sound design, and any joy I might have derived from the sex scenes is quickly snuffed by questionable technical choices.

Not that there’s much joy to be derived from the sex scenes you get in this VN. For those of you unaware, in most VNs with multiple partners you get the option of going for the characters as individuals before shooting for the harem ending. This allows the sophisticated perv in us to get to know all the romance options on a personal level before settling on a base desire to have sex with them all at once. This pattern, while decidedly skeevy, at least allows you to read through a VN with some certainty that you got your money’s worth out of what was undoubtedly a purchase of over $20. Mutiny!! fails to meet this basic need by putting you on a route to fuck everyone exactly once (if that) and then never get a sex scene with them again, unless you somehow managed to stumble your way into a romance route by making them your first mate. It was like the writers couldn’t be bothered to design individual routes and romance options, and instead settled for a half-baked sex marathon on one route that only provides you with the illusion of choice.

And the sex scenes you do manage to finagle are the most abominable purple prose I’ve ever witnessed. It felt like I’d stumbled into the sort of writing you’d see in smut on fanfiction.net circa 2008. The first sex scene involves you fucking the dog-girl, and about 10 seconds after her bikini comes off you get the line, “bright-red bitch boner,” because half the crew are, as I’ve mentioned multiple times, futanari characters. This was the exact moment that I put down my beer and got a nice orange juice-and-vodka mixture, which proved to be a good life choice because I would soon get to read such gems as, “over-sensitive balloon of futa-flesh,” “fingers were deep in her boiling hibiscus,” and “gallons of cum coated the room,” to name a few. The writers were doubtless trying to be creative, but there is a fine line between sultry and silly when writing erotica, and Mutiny!! goes right past silly and straight into downright wacky. It’s like the writers heard the advice that you should be able to laugh during sex and took it to a horrible place that mere mortals were never meant to tread upon.

That’s to say nothing of the writing on the missions. The treasure hunts are all very formulaic: the loan shark Jackie will give you a location, the crew sails there, a puzzle or choice has to be made at the location, treasure is acquired, a naval battle occurs, and that’s the end of that. Lather, rinse, repeat. There is no conflict in the story, no villains or threats (other than the risk of filling a mutiny meter and getting a bad ending), because the story is nothing more than a half-baked excuse to have a ship full of sexy pirates boning each other. But the pirate boning is awkward, presented with limited art, and written so badly that arousal is impossible, so there’s really no part of the story that you can actually enjoy.

In case you were thinking this is what killed Mutiny!! for me, let me be perfectly frank, the naval battles were the absolute worst part. You’re given a list of different actions you can take in a fight, depending on whether the ship is close or far away and how many ships you’re up against. In theory, this should allow the player to have to carefully plot out how each battle needs to go based on the enemy’s position as they struggle to keep the ship in one piece. But in practice, each battle has a set order of commands that you have to take to minimize ship damage, and it’s almost always switching between the “swerve and shoot” and “hold fast” options. I got to the point where I was save-scumming and writing down the correct prompts that I figured out through a mind-numbing process of trial and error, completely killing my enjoyment of these sections (and yes, you have to get them right or you risk increasing the chances that your crew will commit a mutiny). It was awful.

To be fair to the VN, the locations you get to visit are pretty intriguing; some planes of reality are completely underwater, some have flying rocks the size of mountains, and one had a jungle of mutant plants. However, most of the treasure hunts in these planes have weird moments that drag the whole experience down. The futanari members of the crew peed their way through a wall of ice. For the good of the crew, the exiled sphynx princess has to bone a courtesan plant.

One of the crew has to constantly remind Captain Grace that she cannot take time out of their missions to bone someone. It’s kind of a letdown because the environments are so cool.

Mutiny!! also has this weird problem with how sexual boundaries and consent work. From the start, you have a dinner wherein everyone is meant to dine in their skivvies, courtesy of the former captain’s rules. Most of the crew are good with this, but one girl is clearly very uncomfortable and is treated as a joke for that. A tiny fairy gets rubbed off inside her partner’s sleeve while they’re talking to the captain, without any prior discussion of consent for exhibitionism on Grace’s part. At port, you whore out one of the crew members for docking fees, and she just rolls with it. Oh, and Grace isn’t really sexually liberated like she likes to say, she just has emotional issues that prevent her from bonding with anyone beyond a physical level (because, you know, the only women who like sex with a variety of partners are damaged in some way). Combine this with the questionable writing and extremely limited amount of CGs you get throughout the game, and the whole thing is kind of painful.

Also, there was a scene wherein the spider crewman laid eggs in Grace’s uterus while simultaneously finger-fucking her fairy girlfriend who squirted out strawberry-flavored jizz. There was nowhere else in the review to put that, but I need to let you know that that happened.

Mutiny!! cost me $20 and four hours of my life that I’m never getting back. Even if it was good, don’t give money to a company to whom the highest compliment I can give is, “At least they released a complete game this time” (albeit there appears to be additional DLC you can purchase). Don’t buy it.