Rookie of the Year: Save Hubig’s Pies!

The following is the latest in a series of journal entries chronicling the author’s descent into next-gen gaming degeneracy and assorted geekery – from getting his first television in years to trying to figure out why the @$@$&@@ you need two goddamn directional pads just to walk down an effing hallway.

———

Gamers, stoners and fatties:

It’s time to give back to your junk food.

Hubig’s Pies, an icon of the New Orleans snacking community, recently suffered a tragic factory fire that burned its landmark Dauphine St. warehouse to the ground – leaving NOLA without its signature deep-fried, frosted treats, lovingly crammed with apple, lemon, chocolate and other sweet and gooey flavored fillings.

The loss didn’t just resonate through the French Quarter; it was felt as far north as Unwinnable’s outpost here in Queens.

That’s because earlier this year, your very own Rookie of the Year had the pleasure of helping plan a blockbuster bachelor party weekend in New Orleans – and the house we rented was smack-dab across the street from the factory. We ate Hubig’s pies to our heart’s content – what beats a fat-saturated sugar snack on a hangover, especially when the warehouse is a stone’s throw from your front stoop? One night, a few of us returned to the house in the wee hours of the morning, and some friendly Hubig’s employees tossed over a few pies to serve as a toasty nightcap.

Don’t let such an experience be consigned to N’awlins history.

Sure, Savory Simon and his band of merry bakers – going strong in the Marigny since 1922, a family business passed down through generations – have survived wars and recessions and even Hurricane Katrina. And they will survive this, too – perhaps with your help.

The owners vow to reopen next year, but why not help them sweeten the South a little sooner by buying a lovely T-shirt now or (when they’re again able to take orders) a case of pies from a future batch?

“Yes,” the pie makers confirmed to Unwinnable in an email, “purchasing Hubig’s merchandise will help us rebuild.”

Your snacks have given you so much. They’ve calmed your cravings. They’ve pleased your party guests. They’ve powered you through countless Mario Kart marathons.

Now it’s time to show some appreciation, to celebrate Labor Day by doing something right for America, and open your wallets.

And – should the heavens see fit – the pies shall rise again!

Click here to learn more – and order something for goodness’ sake.

———

Matt Marrone’s favorite Hubig’s pie flavor is lemon. With a side of Abita Amber. Follow Matt Marrone on Twitter @thebigm.