Road to Oblivion
This column is a reprint from Unwinnable Monthly #189. If you like what you see, grab the magazine for less than ten dollars, or subscribe and get all future magazines for half price.
———
A tongue-in-cheek but also painfully earnest look at pop culture and anything else that deserves to be ridiculed while at the same time regarded with the utmost respect. It is written by Matt Marrone and emailed to Stu Horvath and David Shimomura, who add any typos or factual errors that might appear within.
———
A couple months ago, Unwinnable told the story of Matt Mambo, this author’s Road to the Show character in MLB: The Show 25.
We now return to that story with a few breaking news items.
- Matt Mambo is now the all-time MLB career leader in home runs, runs, runs batted in, wins above replacement, World Series MVP Awards and a whole slew of other categories.
- After some rough negotiations – which we hinted at in the last column – he eventually signed a 10-year deal to remain with the New York Yankees.
- He’s totally dead inside.
Clearly, that third revelation isn’t affecting Mambo’s play. And no one seems worried – his inferior teammates are racking up wins because of him, his manager simply needs to slot him in the lineup every day and nap for nine innings, and his agent still calls no more than three times a year, asking the same useless, surface-level questions.
If only Stephanie Saunders would dig a little deeper on the phone with her client. Maybe Mambo would retain his stoic, larger-than-life exterior and keep his darker thoughts to himself. But we don’t find out – she’s off in a flash, and Mambo gets no other calls.
Instead, we get glimpses of Mambo between games. He seems happy enough when in the home clubhouse or on the team plane. In those places, he is surrounded by his teammates. On the road, it’s a different story. It’s just Mambo, in a soulless hotel room, night after night, sometimes standing over a packed silver suitcase, texting on his phone or simply staring off silently into the middle distance.
There is nothing for Mambo away from the field. No sign of a family or a significant other. Year after year, it’s Mambo, alone in a hotel room, quietly pondering the empty void in his existence.
Where does Mambo go in the offseason? All we see is a calendar, the simulated days slipping by until spring training begins. It’d be nice to think of Mambo, now into his late 20s, settling in for the winter with a girlfriend (or boyfriend), perhaps wrapping gifts together to put under the Christmas tree. Mambo deserves that. Instead, he simply disappears until it’s time to play ball again, like a powered-down robot, stored in a locker in the Yankees clubhouse.
Mambo is never more full of life than in October, year after year, leading the Bronx Bombers to a World Series title with towering home runs, a barrage of stolen bases and Gold Glove defense at first base.
Then the team celebrates on the field after the final out. Mambo heads for the dugout… and into hibernation. For months, he’s essentially as dead as the leaves on the ground, cold as the snow when it covers them.
Mambo is resurrected in the spring. Time to play ball. Time for another year of professional accolades, from hit streaks to All-Star selections. And plenty of time, also, for sitting alone in hotel rooms, with nothing else to live for.
———
Matt Marrone is a senior MLB editor at ESPN.com. He has been Unwinnable’s reigning Rookie of the Year since 2011. You can follow him on Twitter @thebigm.
