Unmixable Presents: The Santanic Panic

DJ Kursse brings the eggnog with this year’s Unwinnable Christmas mix tape.

Excerpt from Santa Claus (1959)

“Viking Christmas” – Amon Amarth

“Christmas Eve” – Misfistmas

“Frosty the Snowman” – August Burns Red

“Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End)” – The Darkness

“Ghost of Christmas” – Manic Street Preachers

“Dead by Christmas” – Murder City Devils

“Stripper Christmas Summer Weekend” – GWAR

Excerpt from Santa Claus (1959)

“Rock and Roll Christmas” – George Thorogood & The Destroyers

“Back Door Santa” – Clarence Carter

“Here Comes Krampus” – Gary Roadarmel

“Mele Kalikimaka” – Seth Macfarlane

“Let it Snow” – Frank Sinatra

“The Christmas Song” – John Zorn featuring Mike Patton

“Fifteen Feet of Pure White Snow” – Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds

“Christmas Card from a Hooker In Minneapolis” – Tom Waits

“Adam Lay Ybounden” – Chris Squire

“Christmas Day – Desmond Dekker” & The Aces

Excerpt from Santa Claus (1959)

“Merry Crassmas” – Crass

“The Snow Man” – Rosa Mundi

“Christmas Island” – Depeche Mode

“Trees in Winter” – Sol Invictus

“If Christmas Can’t Bring You Home” – Reigning Sound

“Hail Santa” – Primus

“You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch” – Data Romance

“Happy Hanukkah” – Matisyahu

Excerpt from Santa Claus (1959)

“The Call of Ktulu” – Santa Claws And The Naughty But Nice Orchestra

“12 Days of Christmas” – Rowdy Roddy Piper

“Good King Wenceslaus” – Butthole Surfers

“Father Christmas” – The Swedish Legal System

“Rock this Christmas Down” – Lita Ford And Cherie Currie

“Things I Want” – Tenacious D with Sum 41

“Silent Night” – Six To Eight Mathematics

“Feliz Navidad” – El Vez

“Joy to the World” – Bad Religion

OK, don’t focus on the fact that the singer sounds more like Davey Havok than Glenn Danzig. Instead, hone in on the fact that “Christmas Eve,”by Mistfistmas, is a razor sharp parody of the “Misfits’ Halloween,” Then let it sink in that I found this album sometime in mid-December of last year and by Christmas Eve, Danzig’s lawyers had sued it out of existence. If that doesn’t make this one of the greatest Christmas songs ever written, I don’t know what does.

– Stu Horvath

MacFarlane is our generation’s Bing Crosby; a funny man and amazing crooner, Seth MacFarlane’s 2014 Holiday for Swing! was an instant vinyl purchase and my new favorite Christmas album. Picking a single song from the album for this year’s Unwinnable Mixtape was challenging as I truly love them all. I chose one of my favorite Christmas songs of all time in “Mele Kalikimaka” because of its association with Bing Crosby and the dirty mind of Clark Griswold, not to mention MacFarlane’s performance is particularly bang on. Impeccably mixed and perfectly arranged/orchestrated, I look forward to this album becoming a Weinbrecht family tradition on the turntable for years to come.

– Erik Weinbrecht

When I hear Frank Sinatra’s rendition of “Let it Snow,” it makes me feel like I am in the first Lethal Weapon. Some days I feel like Riggs, as we all might from time to time. Then other times things are totally Murtaugh. That is vibe I want at the holidays, Christmas with the Murtaughs.

When Frank Sinatra sings “Let it Snow,”  he invites snow into his mobile home on the beach. At 1:30 you can hear him say it, right to snows’ face. “I don’t care.”

Then I pop my dislocated shoulder back into place and go from there. Merry Christmas.

– Chuck Moran

Far from the typical rock star Christmas album cash grab (we’re looking at you, Bob Dylan), Yes’ longest standing member turns to his musical roots in the church choir for a full album of holiday songs in 2007’s Chris Squire’s Swiss Choir. The song itself is 600 years old, but that signature Rickenbacker bass guitar tone and the tasteful guitar solo from Steve Hackett are timeless.

– Don Becker

I’m a Scrooge when it comes to Christmas music. I never listen to the stuff voluntarily. I am only subjected to it. So my gift to all you jolly, jingling carolers is this grim pagan dirge by a band named after the Roman god of the sun – the deity long thought to have first owned the December 25th birthday slot. Though scholars have disproved this belief, Tony Wakeford’s lyrics about the chill taste of death that comes each winter solstice ring truer to me than any of those grating old chestnuts you’ll hear between Halloween to Epiphany. Bah! Humbug! To you and yours.

– Gus Mastrapa

As we know, Christmas and the holidays can be joyous, but can also take their toll mentally and emotionally. It’s the end of the year, time to reflect on things that were done, should have been done and the unfortunate reality of things running their course. Chief among these things are relationships, and if there’s a band that has a giant bag full of sad breakup songs it’s the Reigning Sound. Singer Greg Cartwright laments the loss of a lover who is probably never returning in this nice little Christmas gem.

– Michael Edwards

Underneath Gibby Hanes’ growling rant lies the bones of the traditional “Good King Wenceslas,” laden with distorted guitars and almost drunken rhythms. The original tells the story of a king who makes his way into the snow to deliver food to a peasant. This modern classic has Hanes inviting a homeless man into the studio to record this version of the song. The requirement for an immersed listening experience; a stein of Thunderbird or any $3 bum wine.

– Ken Lucas

A magnificently craven ode to the true spirit of the season: greed. Don’t be put off by the fact that Sum 41 is involved, this is Jack Black’s show all the way, and everyone else is just there for pyrotechnics. In true metal fashion, Tenacious D takes your crappy Christmas wish list, and wipes their ass with it. Your two front teeth? World peace? Try partying naked on a school bus full of nuns. Santa hats are optional.

– Gavin Craig

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