Unmixable: Screwged

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  • It is the holidays. That means Unwinnable has a new mix tape to keep away the seasonal depression with some snarling attitude. Christmas? Bah, humbug.

    If you aren’t full of seasonal cheer after this 90 minutes, you can always check out our previous Christmas mix tapes: The Krampus Who Stole Christmas and ChristmApocalypse.

    Selection from Scrooged

    “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” – Bad Religion

    “Another Christmas Beer” – Fear

    “Hating You for Christmas” – Everclear

    “The Little Drummer Boy” – Christopher Lee

    “We Three Kings” – Halford III

    Selection from Scrooge The Musical (1970)

    “Battery” – Santa Claws and the Naughty But Nice Orchestra

    “Candy Cane Children” – The White Stripes

    “Space Christmas” – Shonen Knife

    “Lonely Christmas” – Sloppy Seconds

    “The Grinch” – Blue Meanies

    “Slick Nick, You Devil” – Fishbone

    Selection from A Christmas Carol (1984)

    “Funky Funky Christmas” – New Kids On The Block

    “Dreidel” – Erran Baron Cohen

    “Night of Fire (Christmas Mix)” – Niko

    “Merry Christmas Baby” – Rudy Ray Moore

    “Merry Christmas” – Frank Cosmos

    “Christmastime” – Coco Motion

    Selection from A Christmas Carol (1999)

    “Yuletide Zeppelin II” – mojochronic

    “The Patrick Swayze Christmas” – Crow T. Robot

    “The Christmas Song” – Korn

    “White Christmas” – Kill the Klown

    “A Christmas Fucking Miracle” – Run the Jewels

    Selection from Scrooge (1951)

    “Carol of the Bells” – Erlösung

    “Fuck Christmas” – Fear – Stu H.

    Selection from Scrooge (1951)

    “Deck the Halls” – Coffin Fuck

    “We Wish You A Metal Xmas” – Jeff Scott Soto, Bruce Kulick, Bob Kulick, Chris Wyse, Ray Luzier

    Download Episode (right click and save)


    “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” – Bad Religion

    Consummate punk-professionals Bad Religion put out a Christmas album this year. As you’d expect, it’s filled with galloping drums, epic harmonies, and pick slides (oh, the pick slides.) Here’s their rousing take on “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.” Merry Christmas.

    – Erik Weinbrecht

    “Another Christmas Beer” – FEAR

    I am always down to have another beer with FEAR. Especially a Christmas beer. “Another Christmas Beer” is like a director’s cut of the seminal 46-second track “Fuck Christmas,” filled with furious disdain for all the stupid seasonal hoops you have to jump through during the holidays. Pop open a cold one – you’re going to need it.

    – Stu Horvath

    “Battery” – Santa Claws and The Naughty But Nice Orchestra

    When I began assembling this mix, I came across a folder on my computer labeled And Christmas For All. Upon opening it, I felt like a kid on Christmas morning. Santa Claws and the Naughty but Nice Orchestra are an exercise in lounge music to the tune of Metallica. They grab the best tracks off Ride the Lighting, Master of Puppets and And Justice for All and just about every song has sleigh bells in the background to remind you that this is a Christmas album. Welcome your family home to the sanitarium with this holiday gem.

    – Ken Lucas

    “Lonely Christmas” – Sloppy Seconds

    Hailing from Indianapolis, Indiana, Sloppy Seconds brings some melancholy holiday cheer with “Lonely Christmas,” from their 1992 Lonely Christmas EP. Probably one of my favorite Christmas songs.  Self-deprecation should be embraced more during the holiday season.

    – Charles Francis Moran VI

    “The Grinch” – The Blue Meanies

    The Blue Meanies’ “The Grinch” is as diabolical and debaucherous a version of the classic Suessian tune as you’re likely to find anywhere, and I think it makes a fine addition to Unwinnable’s trophy wall of slaughtered holiday carols. Pairs well with eggnog, brandy, whiskey and seasonal depression.

    – Jay Pullman

    “Night of Fire (Christmas Mix)” – Niko

    Fans of Initial D fondly remember Niko’s “Night of Fire” as one of the many pulse-pounding Eurobeat tracks that gave the show its distinct pace and feel. But did you know that Niko released a Christmas mix, complete with festive lyrics? The result is a very odd, frantic Christmas song that I regular use to annoy family and coworkers alike during the holiday season.

    – Mike Rousseau

    “Merry Christmas Baby” – Rudy Ray Moore

    Rudy Ray Moore was a lot of things in his lifetime. Scrooge, pimp, superhero, comedian, filmmaker, the devil, storyteller and ladies’ man are just a sampling. But who knew that he could also sing a sweet Christmas tune and keep it PG as well? Here’s a Christmas track for us all from St. Dolemite.

    – Mike Edwards

    “Christmastime” – Coco Motion

    “Christmastime” by Coco Motion (The Ettes, Parting Gifts) is a haunting holiday tune. Coco wrote the song for the final Christmas episode of call-in and comedy radio show The Best Show on WFMU with Tom Scharpling. It was a bittersweet occasion and Coco’s music, which I became a fan of because I listened to The Best Show, stung that much harder. The lyrics “What should be a good day for all/Isn’t anymore/And won’t be again” speak of a holiday season tinged more with tissues than with tinsel. It’s a beautiful and somber song that reflects the darker side of the season.

    – Ian Gonzales

    “A Patrick Swayze Christmas” – Crow T. Robot

    Joel: Uh, Crow, I don’t know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore for Christmas.

    Crow: Hey, what? Like a good action sequence don’t belong in Christmas?

    Words to live by.

    – Don Becker

    “A Christmas Fucking Miracle” – Run the Jewels

    Christmas songs are supposed to make you feel happy. There is, of course, the more insidious nature of darker-themed Christmas songs that work to mock and deride the saccharine nature of the holiday. “A Christmas Fucking Miracle” creates a new path, one full of foreboding and dread with a faint ray of an uplifting and hopeful message throughout. “ACFM” is like forcefully dragging average people through It’s a Wonderful Life at 70 mph from the back of a rusty sleigh down an icy, unpaved road.

    – Shawn Allen

    “Fuck Christmas” – FEAR

    The name says it all.

    – Stu Horvath