Your Ticket to the 54th Annual Newport Folk Festival

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    Funeral Rites

  • This weekend, I will be attending the Newport Folk Festival for the second time.

    And I intend to keep alive a tradition that dates all the way back to the 2009 Fest:

    I will have sex with a pregnant woman.

    This time, of course, the child growing inside the pregnant woman will be mine (a daughter-to-be, and my first). It won’t be a casual, one-night fling with a friend like it was the last time, but it will be intercourse with a knocked-up female all the same.

    Can I help it if I’m sentimental?

    Like I did last year at the 20th annual Twin Peaks Fest (click here for my sterling Peaker prose), I will be providing daily coverage of my antics for Unwinnable – so check back in this space the next three mornings for some yummy, folky goodness.

    Today, we’ll arrive at our rented apartment in historic Warren, Rhode Island — my girlfriend Amelia, my Twin Peaks travel partner Hannah and I – and then head on over for the Friday night festivities at Fort Adams State Park.

    Tonight’s headliners? Some Unwinnable readers may find Amanda Palmer (Neil Gaiman’s wife) most appealing. For me, it’s The Mountain Goats and Feist, who sadly overlap at different stages (a Fest phenomenon I will be surely discussing at length in a future entry).

    I’ve never seen either TMG or Feist live. There’s a good chance, by the end of the night, that I still won’t have seen one of them live. Which would be a shame.

    So I’ll be bringing my running shoes.

    But no condoms.

    ———

    Matt Marrone has loved folk music since birth. His grandchildren will be able to tell you that he saw Bob Dylan live at least three times. You can follow him on Twitter @thebigm.

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