The Scuttle

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    Playable
  • I scuttle, my daddy scuttled, my granddaddy scuttled, my great-granddaddy scuttled and on and on like that. I don’t know what the other Goombas are thinking. Don’t know why I decided to leave the village, don’t remember where it is. But look at this. It ain’t a wonder why some of us defected. We’re all just blue-collars, but it seems like some of us get more of a choice with what we do with that. I don’t know if there’s such thing as destiny, but if there is, it seems like mine is pretty set in code. Sometimes he’ll jump and I’ll have scuttled at just the right time; I’ll catch him on his landing when he undershoots or gets his momentum cut short by an overhead block. Maybe this time is my time.

    I scuttle, my daddy scuttled, my granddaddy scuttled, my great-granddaddy scuttled and on and on like that.

    Splat x100

    I scuttle, my daddy scuttled, my granddaddy scuttled, my great-granddaddy scuttled and on and on like that. Just look straight ahead; no use looking at him running at you. No use making yourself nervous. You’re either gonna become mushroom soup or you’re just gonna keep on scuttling, but it ain’t your choice either way. You bump into the leftmost green pipe, then you scuttle on toward the rightmost green pipe. Left and right, takes no thought. It’s my job. Quite frankly, I don’t even know how I got here.

    Soup x200

    I scuttle, my daddy scuttled, my granddaddy scuttled, my great-granddaddy scuttled and on and on like that. I don’t have those extra defenses like the Hammer guys get, or even those smug Koopa Trooper assholes with their shells. I really hate the flying ones the most. Yeah, you fly over the cliff while I just trot over on into it. It’s by some magic I’m a thinking mycota, much less a walking mycota, and it’s clear I ain’t too good at either. Seems like Bowser gave us short shrift, seems like maybe we should have gotten a contract. Seems like maybe the magic that made us coulda used a little more fairy dust.

    Swoosh x300

    I scuttle, my daddy scuttled, my granddaddy scuttled, my great-granddaddy scuttled and on and on like that. But we ain’t all stuck like this. My poor buddy over there ain’t had no luck running his face into the plumber’s foot. And there that one goes, into the abyss. Can’t see it, can’t look at it happening, but the plumber’s focusing his wrath on the green Koopa so I figure my number’s up. This is what we all signed up for. This is the job we gotta do, ain’t no changing that. It’s capture-the-flag for him and bowling-for-mushrooms for me.

    Strike x400

    I scuttle, my daddy scuttled, my granddaddy scuttled, my great-granddaddy scuttled and on and on like that. I hear that music. I know that the music means there ain’t nothing I can’t do. He ate that star like it was cake and he’ll just rip right past me. It might wear off in time, but I don’t put my Yoshi eggs in that basket. I just gotta scuttle and when he starts again, I’ll scuttle again. It don’t even hurt much. It’s the way she goes. Some mushrooms get the grandeur and the glory but that ain’t for us. There ain’t no dimension to us – others get the sky and we get the ground. Look forward, straight to head. Move side-to-side. Here he comes.

    Smash x400

    I scuttle, my daddy scuttled, my granddaddy scuttled, my great-granddaddy scuttled and on and on like that.

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    Follow Lana on Twitter @Lanathegun.

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