SUBJECT LINE: So You’re Our Game’s New Scriptwriter!

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I think I speak for all of us working on Modern Shooter 4: Space Ops when I say I’m really excited to have you on board. I started to count the possibilities, but then I realized that they were endless. ENDLESS. We know that you’re a very serious writer and we want to give you as much freedom as possible on this.

[pullquote]Can you make the bad guys from North Korea? Totally trending right now.[/pullquote]

I see you’ve already sent over some ideas! I love this stuff. This is great. All the crap about wanting meaningful relationships between the characters. We’re all about that. Just bear in mind that the game’s characters are always going to be pointing their guns directly at each other. I’m certain you can find a way to fit that in. We’re gonna work together on this. We’re, like, way into collaborative open-source cloud type stuff here at Exploding Chainsaw Games™.

The way Modern Shooter is designed, you spend pretty much the whole game shooting at small groups of armed enemies. So the story’s antagonist – and we’re really looking forward to seeing where your mind goes on this – will need to have access to a couple thousand armed dudes scattered all over the place. We’ve always had luck just picking a country and making up something about big wars. Also, it helps if the bad guys don’t speak English very well. People don’t feel as bad about shooting Middle Easterners or the Chinese.

Heads up, though: the guys in the art department only had the resources to develop three different faces for the enemies: White, black and one of them is Hispanic or maybe Asian, I’m not sure. Obviously it would be great if they were all really unique, so definitely get them chattering on the field with some interesting backstories. We have enough room for their lines to be about five seconds long.

Actually, light bulb: Can you make them from North Korea? Totally trending right now.

Homefront-2-1Oh, and we already have a segment where the protagonist is riding in the back of a vehicle with a mounted machine gun, and tons of dudes keep driving up behind him and he has to shoot them all until their truck flips over or whatever. We’re going to need dialogue for that segment. Probably stuff like, “Boom goes the dynamite!” but you can get creative.

I see you’ve written down some ideas for the story’s protagonist. Let’s see, an inner-city Dominican teenager with anxieties about… This is great stuff! That’s why you get paid the big bucks, right? Ha ha. Anyway, we don’t want to alienate any potential players, so we might have to remold this a bit to appeal to a broader audience. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I want you to write whatever character you want, but just as a favor to me let’s make him white, male and named John.

Oh, and hey, our game design isn’t going to make any sense without one of those companion characters who tells you what to do. I’m pretty sure the trope of “sexy lady who communicates with you solely via audio” hasn’t been overused yet. Luckily for you, the new generation of consoles that we’re developing for has 16 gigaflops of computer power, so you’ll have plenty of room to develop the character into someone the player can empathize with.

Oh, and I overheard you talking about “difficult moral choices” in the break room. We actually already came up with one of those, where you have to pick between saving a bus full of children or getting an upgraded gun. Naturally we’re hoping most players save the bus full of children, because then they have to buy the gun as DLC.

Anyway, don’t stress too much. Most people just play Modern Shooter for the multiplayer.

Wilfred “Ballsack” Jones
CEO of Exploding Chainsaw Games™


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