Confessions of a ‘Downton’ Dude

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Yes, that’s me on Page 39 of today’s New York Post.

I’m the one posing with a portrait of the queen in an old-fashioned London telephone booth that doubles as the entrance to a West Village cafe called Tea & Sympathy. In another shot, I’m holding a teapot with the Union Jack painted on it, but the Post didn’t use that one.

Why am I on Page 39 of today’s New York Post? Because I am, apparently, a ‘Downton’ Dude – and, clearly, I am not afraid to say it.

Not only that, but because of my job, not to mention my sterling quotes, I am the lede to the story – and I sneaked my way into the headline, too: “Move over, ESPN! Men are getting gabby over Brit masterpiece ‘Abbey'”

You can read the story online (sans picture of me, sadly), so I won’t bother explaining what a ‘Downton’ Dude is.

However, since hundreds of thousands of New Yorkers now know who I am and what I stand for – in an era of great financial upheaval, groundbreaking new technology and the continuing struggle for human rights, I litter a public forum gushing about a British soap opera called Downton Abbey – I feel I must use this opportunity to lead a groundswell of New Yorkers, nay Americans, in feeling free to admit to the world what they really are:

Sappy assholes.

Yes, I cheered out loud, alone on my couch, when Mary and Matthew kissed.

Yes, I was genuinely thrilled when Anna and Bates fell for each other (although Bates, a perennial victim, seriously needs to grow a pair already).

Yes, I rooted for betrothals to break and marriages to mend.

And yes, I think the dowager fucking countess kicks serious ass.

I’m not asking for your understanding. I’m asking for your respect.

And if you have a problem with that, I now have a series of dry, cutting remarks and a fresh arsenal of disdainful glances at my disposal.

So suck it.

(Click Image for Larger Version)


Matt Marrone also watches Breaking Bad. But he’d take Carson over Cranston any day of the week. Follow him on Twitter @thebigm.